You may be hearing what your colleagues have to say, but are you actually listening to them? People’s minds often wander when others are speaking, especially in a group setting, and they don’t truly absorb what’s been said. Even in digital communications, it’s easy to read a message and immediately forget about it. Gamlem emphasized the importance of creating a culture where people really listen to each other.
“Listening is such an undervalued skill, and it can have a real impact on how often conflicts arise and how they can be avoided,” she said. Additionally, with the application of good listening skills, conflict can be helpful. “Differing opinions and ideas can lead to great innovations,” said Lindsay Anvik, a business coach specializing in leadership and productivity. “Take the consistent stance of being open to someone whose opinions differ from yours. This allows you to see things from a new light (and decide when to go to bat for your idea).”
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When engaged in a conflict, it is natural to want to be closed off – but this only hinders the chance of resolution. Give yourself (or those in the conflict) time to cool off first. When managing the conflict, speak in a calm, agreeable manner.
Use neutral language and separate the other person from the problem. It is better to speak in “I” language, as opposed to “you” language to avoid the other person feeling attacked. For example, saying “I feel undervalued in my position” is going to be more effective than saying “You don’t value my work.” Using “you” language will only cause the other person to get defensive, which doesn’t bode well for conflict resolution.